~ OUTFIT DETAILS ~
COAT: DAHLIA (OLD)
BAG: ZARA (OLD)
I’m a worrier. Always have been, probably always will be. Even last night, as we were playing a game with a few friends, we had to name the most cautious person of the group. I of course, was the one chosen. *sigh*
Well, I nominated myself anyway.
Yet a big part of my job is managing people’s uncertainty. I spend a lot my day challenging people’s “what-if” thoughts; what if I fail? What if I get ill? What if I make a fool out of myself? And I think finally, it might have rubbed off on me a little bit.
With recent university rejections, I know that I ~should~ be gutted. But I’m not. I took it as a sign that “hey, I’m actually not ready yet, and that’s cool”. It’s given me a drive, and a bit more focus to get my application even better for next year so that hopefully I can get some interviews.
Which is weird.
Now, I’m not saying that I’ve magically discovered some way to stop being a massive stress head because I haven’t, but I feel like something has changed in the last 6 months or so where I’m not getting as worked up as I once was. Maybe it’s age, or things falling more into place, or even a bit of both. However, a word I often talk about at work, mindfulness, has been cropping more up recently and I *think* that’s been helping.
Now, I know what a lot of you will be thinking. I had an image of mindfulness a while ago where I thought the people who did it were wrapped up like pretzels with incense burning around them saying “ohm” for hours on end. I’ve tried to take on a more relaxed approach, and my legs are really not that flexible…
So, a bit about why mindfulness is good. It gives you that bit of selfish time, to only focus on you and where you’re at that moment. It’s about embracing the present, and when thoughts come to you, just letting them slide away to be dealt with later. This is your time.
I think my first step of realising what else could be mindfulness was after a few weeks of going to the gym. You know when people who are well into working out will say “I love the gym!!! Working out makes me so happy!!!” and you’re more 30 seconds in drenched with sweat wanting to die. Turns out I’m a little bit from column A and a little bit from column B. When I’m in my regular routine, I’ll be at the gym four times a week. Excessive to some, but I really love it. I mean, when I’m there I’m a hot mess, but the long-lasting effects are pretty good. I can’t think of anything else except for what I have to do in the class or during the sets. Nothing else comes into my mind because I’m having to focus so hard on either not falling on my face or embarrassing myself in some way. While I can moan about going, I never regret it.
Except for right now when I did a leg day yesterday after two weeks off and HOLY BEJEBUS it hurts to move.
The other thing has been to reduce my “scrolling time”. I’m pretty bad at being on the laptop, looking at twitter, only to shut to the laptop and pick up my phone to see what the smaller twitter is doing. I close apps, to almost immediately reopen them. When I’m in bad habits of scrolling, I can’t help but compare myself to everyone I see online. So, I’ve been filling my evening with more things that make me feel good and give me time to really wind down and keep up mindfulness/self-care.
The first is a game on the Switch, called Stardew Valley. A simple little game about farming (bear with me here). It’s a game I can just totally focus on and enjoy, without really having to think. It’s light-hearted, the character design is adorable. It’s just a really nice game.
Dan and I have also been using our Netflix subscription and letting ourselves have time to watch some good series. I’m finally watching Breaking Bad (just finished season 4) and love it. We watched Mindhunter before that. Oh, and I’m of course watching season 10 of drag race. Current fav is Miz Cracker. I love a weird queen.
Reading is also something I know I need to do more. When I read, I forget about the outside world. Plus, books are good.
Anyway, here is how I’ve been including more mindfulness in my day. Have you ever thought about this?